I haven’t written much lately. Not that we have nothing going on in our lives, quite the opposite. We’ve been so busy I’ve had a hard time finding time to sit and think as I write. In addition to the continuing remodel of our home (which is going painfully slow!) and homeschooling (also incredibly slow!), Charlie has spent the past few weeks working on a project after his regular work day, out of town. Some nights, he doesn’t return until after midnight and then has to rise again around 5:00 AM. Being a person who needs 8-9 hours of sleep each night, I don’t know how he has been able to function. Thankfully, he is taking a much needed break from the project this weekend so we can all rest and relax together. We’ve all been missing him terribly, but we are also proud of how diligent his efforts are to allow God to use his gifts and talents to provide for our family. He is a great husband!
While he has been gone, I realized that I operate differently when he’s away. Specifically, my routine and activities with the girls change. I started keeping track of those differences:
1. I sleep in more often. Maybe because I don’t sleep as well, or maybe laziness…not sure.
2. I stay up later. It’s hard to sleep when he isn’t here and without him to talk to, I watch TV more than normal. Probably accounts for #1 as well.
3. We eat differently. I wouldn’t say we eat unhealthy, just simpler. I don’t feel as excited to prepare a nice meal for kids who would be just as happy with grilled cheese or PB&J.
4. We stay home more. Actually, we turn into downright homebodies. Except for our usual commitments, we stayed indoors most of the time. I think I just feel safer at home and it’s certainly easier to cope with the kids and their behavior in familiar surroundings.
5. I avoid housework like the plague! I normally enjoy my housework, but I’ve discovered without anyone to appreciate it or help me, it’s MUCH more difficult to get motivated to clean up after three whirling dervishes.
6. My quiet time stinks. Not that God isn’t faithful when I come to Him, but without anyone asking me about it or encouraging me, I tend to go on auto-pilot. Not a good thing…
7. My well of patience runs dry earlier in the day…mostly related to #6.
Not exactly a great wife/mom resume, huh? It reminded me of the passage in Matthew 24:
Therefore be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming. But be sure of this, that if the head of the house has known at what time of the night the thief was coming, he would have been on the alert and would not have allowed his house to be broken into. vs. 42-43.
I knew when Charlie was coming home. I knew that he was returning. And still, I changed my patterns and routines, sometimes knowing that my choices were not helpful or glorifying to God. How much more so do I do this concerning Christ’s return? I don’t know when Christ will return for us. I do know that He will return, though. Still, I know that I don’t do all that I can to bring Him glory, to worship Him and grow in my knowledge of Him. I know that I sometimes avoid doing things that will draw me closer to Him. I sleep in instead of getting up to be with Him. I turn off the radio program that will fill my mind with knowledge and truth, and instead listen to my own thoughts that often lead to destruction. I let the kids watch a video instead of reading them a Bible story. If I knew that Christ would return tomorrow morning, I would most definitely spend today differently!
But, is that how God wants me to live?
That’s why He didn’t circle in red on our calendars that date He would be back. He left it a mystery to us purposely. So we would always be ready. So we would live each day in honor to Him and for Him. So our lives would continuously be a witness of His great love for us and others. I confess that I am failing miserably in this area right now; just trudging along with my head down trying to get through this day and onto the next. I could allow Satan to convince me that the situation is hopeless, but I see through that nasty lie. The very fact that I see my sin reveals God’s love and faithfulness to me. The fact that I even want to change is a witness of the Holy Spirit moving on my heart. Praise God for His unfailing love!
Merciful God, thank You for sticking with me! I confess my sin to You and ask Your forgiveness. Help me to be what You want me to be. Help me to walk down the paths You have prepared for me. I’m sorry You have to rescue me from another pit, but I’m so glad You are! I don’t know when You are coming for us, but I want You to find me faithful. Redeem my days, Lord, so that I might live joyfully in You. I love You… in Jesus’ name, Amen.