Yesterday, we had a “regular” appointment (I hesitate to label them ‘regular’ because they are so different from our previous pregnancies) with my OB specialist as well as a consultation with the surgeon who will perform any necessary procedures on our son. At each visit, they do an ultrasound to check out baby boy’s abdomen and the level of amniotic fluid around him. If either one increases or decreases, they make a note of it. Until yesterday, the levels and measurements had remained the same. Unfortunately, the size of the blockage in the baby’s intestine has increased to about 3 cm. Apparently, that’s on the large side. My OB said he would consult with his partner and the surgeon later in the day to determine whether we should be concerned at this point. The good news was that the amniotic fluid level is just perfect and my health is fine as well.
After our regular appointment, we met with the surgeon. Many of the doctors have spoken in ways that are a bit beyond my comprehension. This doctor was different and I appreciated his humility and willingness to field any and all questions we might have. He said that although we won’t know what we are getting into until the baby is born, he understood that we might think of things closer to the birth that would require another meeting or phone call. That was reassuring to me. At the end of our conversation, he said that he and his staff feel it is the greatest honor or their lives to be entrusted with our most precious possession–our child. Well, that put this hormonal woman over the edge emotionally and I couldn’t keep a few tears from escaping. It is good to know that he understands how hard it is for us to trust another person with our child’s care.
Yesterday was the first time the reality of our situation started to really sink in. We can’t really plan anything since we don’t know what we are getting into. The entire situation is completely out of our control, and that’s a hard reality for me. I like being able to have a say in what is happening and express my own personal opinions. But, this isn’t about me. It’s about our son and what is best for him. I think it’s just hard to accept that being in my arms and our home won’t be the best thing for him right away. In fact, many of the instinctive things that I selfishly want to have a say in, are things that would actually bring him harm. It’s a tough thing to fight that mothering instinct and let someone else make decisions for our baby.
This week, if you feel led to pray, please pray that God would give me peace that He is in ultimate control, though I don’t see all that He is working out on our behalf. Also, continue to pray for our son’s healing and recovery. Please pray that the details of our life would be sorted out for the days and weeks we will need to care for a sick baby and three active, energetic girls. Lastly, please pray for protection against thoughts that are not healthy and comments from others, though well-intentioned, that are insensitive and discouraging. Oh, and again, that the Lord would be glorified in this all…even in my doubt and fear!
Thank You, Father, that I can come to You boldly and lay this all at Your feet. Thank You for knowing all, seeing all, being all. I trust in You. Amen