After our visit with the pediatrician yesterday, I came home to have the “crying it out” discussion with hubby. We’ve had this discussion thrice before (ooh, I love being able to use the word ‘thrice’) and each time, I’ve had to get over the heartbreaking idea of letting my babies cry themselves to sleep. Our babies love to beheld. I mean they LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. With Emma, we didn’t make her cry it out until she was eight months old. I didn’t have anyone else to take care of, so I didn’t mind. My husband, on the other hand, felt I was letting her manipulate me. So, after three tortuous nights, she started falling asleep in her own bed, on her own. Ruthie was about 5 months old. Olivia–somewhere between 4-5 months.
But, Samuel is a different story for me. He spent so much of those first weeks of his life crying and I couldn’t touch him or hold him or comfort him in any tangible way. When he cries, my instinct is to scoop him up and snuggle away whatever is bothering him. My husband bought him a shirt yesterday that says “Mama’s Boy.” Yep, that’s him in a nutshell. Charlie has been wanting me to let him cry it out for a few weeks now and I kept insisting that he was too young. But, the pediatrician sided with hubby and informed me that he is at the perfect age to begin letting him comfort himself.
Sigh. It’s the beginning of letting go. The beginning of teaching him to be independent of me, reliant on the Lord. And it aches. Oh, how it aches. I think because he is our last. Because I don’t want to hurry any of these ages and stages along. I want to treasure even the middle of the night feedings, because when they are gone, they’re gone for good. I can see now why the baby in every family is usually “babied.” Everyone wants to hold on just a bit longer.
And so, I sit here typing this post while my son cries it out in the other room. My heart aches and I know in some ways, God is letting me cry it out, too. He’s letting me learn to let go and let Him take control of these children. In His wisdom, He is showing me in so many ways that He is still here, but it’s time to mature and move on. It’s time to trust.
Thank You, Lord, for being here with me now. Please give comfort to Samuel and allow Him to rest. Help me to trust You with him and our girls. Thank You for wanting more for me, even when I really don’t. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.