I dare you, flu. I dare you to even try to make me sick. I have four children. I homeschool. I’m a wife. I’m a friend. And I really want to go shopping for a new stove this weekend.
I feel you trying to make me think my throat is sore. I see you playing tricks with my thermometer to make me think I have a fever. I hear your cat calls from the Tylenol bottle and your languid looks from the Kleenex box.
You can’t fool me. I will hunt you down. I have Lysol and Clorox bleach; vitamin C and disinfectant wipes. I know where you and your friends live and I will hunt you down. This house isn’t big enough for the two of us.
I’ll give you til the end of the snowstorm and then you’re out of here. Like I said, I need a new oven and you aren’t going to ruin that party for me.
Hasta la vista, baby.