My surgery went fine (and thank you ever so much for your kind prayer, emails, thoughts, love). I am home, bandage free, recovering. I praise God for the wonderful ways He has brought healing both to my body and soul…
The morning of my surgery, I woke up with this prayer: If restoring my sight would bring You glory or help another to see You better, Lord, please do that. But, if having vision in my left eye would somehow blind me to You and Yours or cause another to stumble in darkness, keep me blind. I checked my email and found a beautiful prayer request on my behalf, sent out by a sister in Christ. I had the chance to speak with our two oldest girls about my surgery and pray with them. Hubs and I prayed together and asked God to be glorified. We left for the surgical center
I’ll be honest, I was nervous. Very nervous. But it was clear from the moment we arrived that God had planned every detail of the day…from one of the women who helped us check in (another believing sister), to the kindness of the nurse who helped me get prepped, to the tousled-hair, coffee-smelling anesthesiologist who made me laugh, to my incredibly detailed oriented eye surgeon. I told each of them that I had prayed for them and they each received that news with joy. As an additional and wonderful surprise, Nurse Nancy–the nurse who worked the night shift the very first night I was alone with my firstborn and completely melted down about being incapable of caring for another human being–now works at the surgical center and came into my room to give me a big hug. She was just the extra comfort I needed. I was prepped, prayed with Hubs one last time and rolled into the OR.
I remember them telling me I was breathing oxygen and nothing else. For that, I am so thankful. I am not the curious sort who wants to know all the details and goings on in an operating room. I remember waking up to Hubs and Nurse Nancy holding my hands and I was crying. I guess the anesthesia can have that effect on some people. I remember the warming blankets and the soothing ice chips and feeling a little like I’d been run over by a truck.
The doctor came in and explained that the procedure had taken longer than he had expected–2 hours instead of 1. He also explained that he was able to place my new lens into the correct position, but was unable to remove the old, clouded one. It had become fused to my iris and he had been able to gently pry it away, but not entirely. Not wanting to cause any damage to my eye, he decided to stitch me up and refer me to a vitriol retinologist who would be able to better assess how to remove my cataract.
Honestly, I felt confused and a little discouraged. The idea of going through all of this again was disheartening. I was released and we went home. The girls cam home from a dear friend’s house with flowers and a card, another friend brought dinner and we weathered the evening and night fairly well.
This morning, we went to the doctor’s office to have my bandages removed. I really wasn’t expecting anything at all. The nurse removed the tape, patch and gauze and left the room. The very first thing I did was cover my right eye and try to look through my left…
Incredibly, I could make out some watery, shadowy lights and shapes peripherally. I gasped and nearly cried. Hubs came over and waved his hand around to see if I could see anything. It wasn’t clear or reliable, but I could make out…something.
The doctor came in and checked me out and was pleased with my condition. He set up an appointment for me to see the specialist tomorrow morning and we will find out more then. The good news is that the cataract has “floated” out-of-the-way. It’s possible that I may have even more sight in that eye once it heals properly and the stitches disintegrate.
So that’s what I can see physically.
This is what I see spiritually…and it is of so much greater value to me!
Through all of this…this waiting and hoping and trusting and resting…God has reminded me of how very much He loves me. How His thoughts are directed towards me. How each promise in His Word is meant for me and is fulfilled…for me. He has taught me to SEE…not with my eyes, but with my heart. To see Him in others…in Hubs’ loving eyes, my children’s laughter, in emails from total strangers telling me they are praying with and for me, in a hot meal, in flowers…He is everywhere.
And I used to know that…but had forgotten. Or chose to be blind to Him. I have this precious gift! He has restored the sight of my heart! It’s so easy to focus on the details of life…the lunch boxes and mortgage payments and ironing and grocery lists and lesson plans and play dates and cobwebs…and focusing on those things blurs God. He is in all those things…if I look for Him. And I see Him in those things now…
We went to a worship service at church tonight. I just wanted to praise God. I wanted to be in a crowd of people, praising Him. In the middle of one of the songs, I started to weep. I started thinking about how precious this little sliver of sight in my left eye is to me. It is evidence to me that God can and does bring healing. Then I heard in my heart these words:
For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 1 Corinthians 13:12
Right now, friend, we see things like I see out of my left eye…shadows and watery, blurry images. We should be grateful for the heart-sight we have, cloudy as it may be. One day, when we are face to face with Jesus, we will see as He sees…clearly and with a heart like His. I am looking forward to that day!
Lord, thank You for restoring my sight…for helping me to see You better, more clearly. Thank You for always, always seeing me and looking on me with love. May my heart and eyes always be directed to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.